TammyFaye.com

September 20, 2005

Hello Friends,

Isn’t it wonderful to feel fall in the air? It always makes me feel invigorated! Makes me want to go to the mountains of NC and spend a day picking apples, drinking apple cider and eating apple pie. Oh, I forgot to say first you put on your favorite pair of jeans and a big cozy sweater.

I’ve had some funny things happen to me lately. I wasn’t feeling well so decided I could feel sick out shopping just as easy as I could feel sick lying home in my bed. So I hobbled into the car and went to the nearest Marshalls, just a few blocks away. I got a cart, put my purse in it, leaned on the cart handle and started to look around. I was just getting ready to leave when a lady tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Hey, can I get your autograph?” I was feeling so bad that my usual of course didn’t pop out of my mouth. All I could say was “Oh, I’m so sick”. She didn’t miss a cue, “Oh, that’s okay, she said, just make it out to Mary”. I dug through my purse looking for a pen, she finally came up with a scrap pf paper and I signed her autograph for her. Here comes the clinker…….”Oh and while you’re at it would you sign one to Bill with love and To Carol………” I thought I was having an autograph party right there in Marshalls. HA! HA!

Last week my son Jamie came to see us. He and I decided to go eat lunch together. We sat down and talked till our food came and we started to eat. While we were eating a young man walked up and politely asked if he could join us for a minute. I said of course and we talked for a few minutes. I love young people and was about to offer him some food when he excused himself and left. We continued eating when a woman came bustling up, asked if I would move over so she could sit down, that she wanted to talk to me before I got away. Well, I moved over as there wasn’t any choice I could see at the time. HA! HA! She got out some literature and began to tell me about this GREAT product she was selling and proceeded to give me the CD and all the info. Then she said “now you’re going to have to PROMISE me that you’ll call me back on this matter.” I looked at her and I HOPE that was a SMILE that was on my face, and I politely told her I couldn’t promise, but thank you for the info. Well, by that time our food was cold and I didn’t feel much like eating anyway, Jay had managed to finish his food as he kept on eating while I was waiting for her to finish her presentation. Ha! Ha! I got up from the table, grabbed my purse and quickly walked out. Jamie brought up the rear holding the CD etc. “Hey Mom, you better not leave this stuff, she’ll come back after ya”. We laughed and laughed.

The last three weeks have been a little hard on me as I have been going through radiation treatments on my left lung every day. I have found myself running through the full gamete of emotions. Tears have been my constant companion for a number of reasons. I have lived on raw faith, raw fear, raw sadness and raw hope. I have been to where I could not talk above a whisper, could not swallow (I told my doctor I had a hair ball in my throat) ha! I have had to clear my throat constantly as a result and that has set my nervous system into a spin. I have had such horrible panic attacks that I found myself begging God to please just take me home to Heaven. I have been terribly tired to the point of hardly being able to get out of bed. And the doctor told me that the further on into my treatment the worse it will all get.

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September 20, 2005

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Well, along with all these symptoms I have prayed without ceasing and that is NOT just a figure of speech. I have talked to God all day and when I awake at night I find myself thanking God for my healing. I have prayed in the good times and believed God for a miracle and I have prayed in the bad times and thanked God for a miracle. Through it all I have stood firm on God’s unfailing word. “And I KNOW that I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I’ve committed unto Him against that day!” I have committed my body to the Lord and I AM PERSUADED! Nothing shall move me from that commitment!

Every single time I lay under that radiation machine, in my heart I am singing an old song of the church I used to sing with my Grandmother Fairchild, “JESUS KEEP ME NEAR THE CROSS, THERE A PRECIOUS FOUNTAIN, FREE TO ALL A HEALING STREAM, FLOWS FROM CALVARY’S MOUNTAIN.” You see, the marks they put on my body to mark the places they would radiate are crosses! Not squares, not X’s BUT CROSSES! So I told my doctor, Dr. Plunckett, who is a Christian, to get to the cancer they have to “go through the CROSS”! That made me feel totally safe in Jesus’ big arms. It was such a comfort to me. The devil cannot touch the CROSS! So I thought of that stream of radiation as part of the healing stream that flows from Calvary’s mountain. Many times I lay on that big table, all this huge equipment humming around me, tears streaming down my face, singing in my heart and quoting scripture in my heart. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me…….” God’s word has been my strength. “Fear thou not for I am with thee, be not afraid for I am thy God.” God has an answer for our every problem in His word if we will just take the time to look for it. Then when we find what we need we should “DOUBT NOT”! I might have been scared, I might have been sad, I might have had moments of weakness and panic but never ONCE have I doubted the God I serve and His ability to heal my body. The Bible says to “hold fast to that which we believe” and that is what I continue to do.

Dr. Plunkette told me today that I am doing really well. There has been considerable shrinkage but he says it’s hard to tell if all the cancer has been killed due to scaring on the part of the lung getting the radiation. Other tests will tell us that. As of this writing I have 4 more radiation sessions to go and then that part is all over. I’m feeling WONDERFUL! It seems that the last part which is supposed to be the worst, God is turning into the easiest part for me which is a real MIRACLE. I am swallowing fine, I am able to eat and my voice is almost back to normal. I have lots of energy, all for which I thank Jesus all day long and when I awake at night I find myself thanking him for healing my body.

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September 20, 2005

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I not only pray and believe for myself, I pray and believe for my fellow patients that too are having to have radiation. Some of them are so much worse than what I am having to go through. I can see the awful suffering in their eyes even though we all try to be brave. I come home at night and pray and pray and pray for certain ones. There are these two men that I cry every time I think of their suffering and I find myself begging God to PLEASE help them through this time and to heal them of that cancer. One is a young man with children about the age of my Jamie; the other is an old man who keeps us all laughing even though we all know how desperately he is suffering himself. You’d be surprised to see how well everyone tries to cover their own suffering to try and help the one sitting next to them. They are an awesome group of people. I feel so fortunate to have had the privilege of getting to know these “cancer survivors”.

Take today & say "Thank You, God" for good health.

Much love,

P.S. I have literally FELT your prayers. At my worst moments I could picture you in my mind, your prayers going up to Heaven for me. I am so grateful to you my precious friends. I feel you are part of my healing & that we have a special connection. I love you!